There it is—my alarm, blaring at 6:00 AM to signal the start of another day. That same shrill tone usually means something is on fire, which feels symbolic sometimes.
But not today.
Today, I’m ready. Ready to launch out of bed, strap on my Stoic mindset, and let life’s little annoyances bounce off me. Ready to Amor Fati and Memento Mori.
Well… almost.
It’s cold outside, and my bed is warm. The day’s first challenge has arrived, and it requires some thought. But no worries—Marcus Aurelius faced this exact dilemma 2,000 years ago:
At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?
Meditations 5.1
Hmm. That’s not exactly a clear answer. Maybe I was made for this. Thanks to modern technology, blanket-huddling has come a long way since ancient Rome. If Marcus had ever experienced the joy of being wrapped in a duvet on a memory foam mattress—like a big, toasty cinnamon bun—he might’ve reconsidered his stance.
Besides, I’m not hurting anyone. In fact, by staying in bed, I’m actively making the world a better place (if only by not bothering it). This is worth thinking about.
After some reflection, I realize something: I can practice Stoicism without leaving bed. That’s efficiency at its finest! Let’s go through the five Stoic techniques William Irvine mentions in A Guide to the Good Life:
Negative Visualization
What if I get up, make coffee, and burn my mouth? Or worse—drop the mug on my foot? Or even worse—there’s no coffee left at all? Staying in bed prevents all of that. Next.
Self-Denial
By lying here, I’m denying myself nearly everything in life. That’s about as Stoic as it gets. Easy.
Fatalism
That alarm? It’s in the past. It can’t hurt me anymore. Done.
Dichotomy of Control
I can’t control how cold it is outside this blanket, but I can control my response: staying right here in my cozy cocoon.
Meditation/Review
The sun isn’t even up, and I’ve already mastered Stoicism for the day. That’s progress!
But wait. There’s one big Stoic principle I forgot—one Seneca even called the Stoic motto: Living according to Nature.
And after eight hours of sleep, Nature is calling. Loudly.
I get up and head to the bathroom.
Now I’m ready to start the day. 6:30 AM—hey, that’s better than yesterday!
Ahh, I’m just a big, toasty cinnamon bun. I never wanna leave this bed. Uh oh, gotta take a wizz. Think, man, think. Think, think, think. I better get up.
Homer (Simpson, not the Greek poet)
